Humor – No Nursing Home for Me!!
A humorous look at nursing homes
No nursing home for me! I’ll be checking into a ‘Holiday Inn’!
With the average cost for a nursing home at $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I’ve already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it’s $59.23 per night. Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.
That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.
Plus they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. $5 worth of tips a day and you’ll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
They treat you like a customer, not a patient. There’s a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The accessible bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp;).
To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you’re not stuck in one place forever – you can move from Inn to Inn or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem…they fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks every day to see if you need anything. They can even call an ambulance…..or the undertaker.
And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. And the grandkids can use the pool. What more could you ask for?
So when I reach that golden age, I’ll face it with a grin.
And most of all, monetary aid to their kids!
Not forgetting HIV (Hair is Vanishing)
Remember, Life is like a hot bath. The longer you stay in it, the more wrinkled you become!